28 February 2009


As much as I love writing about joyful things that I've experienced, I have to be completely honest and say that I'm not walking in joy right now. At the risk of being overly vulnerable, here's where I am.

I'm in a place right now that's hard to describe. I am just stuck. It's not just a feeling; I've seen it and experienced it. I know... I'm just stuck.
Right now there are no paths leading out of this place. There are some paths that look like freedom but only bring destruction. There are smaller paths that are blocked off. I'm in between harm and freedom. I'm not in danger, but I'm not able to spread my wings. How much longer will I be here in this place of waiting? Will I ever escape? 
It seems that there are no signs of life around. It's like winter right before spring comes. How many more days of this? It's cold, dark, boring. One little sprig of hope dies out into disappointment- another day of winter. Doubt enters in. Hope, disappointment, hope, disappointment; just like tossing waves. When will I at least break free? I'm tired of searching for life, excitement, and joy that never ends. I feel like I'm in a cocoon that won't hatch open. I'm stuck, just stuck.

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